Loving and Losing

I have spent the majority of the last twenty years either pregnant or nursing. And raising children.

Image courtesy of Siriani Photography. Copyright 2011

Now, half my children are mostly raised. One daughter is married, one taking a gap year between high school and beyond, a third is a senior finishing her AA through a dual-enrollment program, and a fourth is an accomplished freshman athlete. My parenting responsibilities with them are basically done. And that is difficult…more difficult than I imagined.

 

Obviously, I am not the first to face this transition. Nor will I be the last. To be honest, though, I wasn’t prepared. Time has gone too quickly. Even though I’ve treasured as many moments as I could, even though many told me the years were short, even though they aren’t all gone yet, time has gone far too quickly. I wish I could get it back.

That realization, however, doesn’t prevent me from wasting time with my other children. My youngest isn’t even five years old yet. And stretched out before me are too many choices, too many obligations, too many opportunities to miss out, on something.

When I started my parenting career, nobody told me how painful this journey would be…how I would, at some point, no longer be able to control every aspect of my children’s lives, and how badly that loss of control would hurt. Nobody warmed me that being a mother was like wearing my heart on the outside of my body, with little protection from damage.

Nobody warned me.

That I remember…

Honestly, even if they had, I don’t know that I would have been able to understand. It’s like trying to explain flying to someone whose never been on a plane, or trying to explain snow to someone in the Amazon Rain Forest, or trying to explain giving birth to someone whose never been pregnant. It is very difficult to do.

So, I will pass on to other mothers the warning I wish I’d received…that parenting is painful, if you’re doing it right. And that pain is a sign that you’re doing a good job, you’re “fully vested” in the process. You see, if you were parenting and your heart wasn’t involved, that would be a problem. Can you really parent well when your decisions are based on how to protect yourself from pain?  Probably not…

And, in the end, that shouldn’t be the goal. Not if we truly love our children.

There is an old poem, the author of which I can’t remember. Nor do I recall the context in which I first heard it, but the concept has stuck with me for years. The basic gist is, the real test of love is for me to give someone the freedom to reject me. That is what we do with our children; we pour our hearts into them, investing countless hours, incredible passion, and unimaginable amounts of money, only to watch them walk away. Whether they embrace the values we so diligently tried to instill, or practice the lifestyle we modeled, or engage in the endeavors we invested in is totally up to them. What they do with what we’ve given is, in many regards, a test of our parenting…and regardless of the outcome, there is a level of pain.

The question is how to respond to the pain?

How we answer that question will, to a large degree, determine what kind of relationship we enjoy with our adult children. If we withdraw and guard against further heartache or disappointment, our children may interpret that behavior as rejection and respond in kind, ultimately ending any hope for a health relationship. If we stay engaged, give freedom, and keep our hearts open, a whole new relationship can develop, a beautiful relationship built on mutual trust and vulnerability.

Image courtesy of Marchauna Rodgers. All rights reserved.

We’re still in the building stage. I don’t have all the answers. But I do know that I want to stay engaged with my children, in spite of the pain, because the pain of no relationship is far greater than the pain of a different one.

Just Be Held

The words to “Just Be Held” by Casting Crowns are so powerful. You can find them here, and the official music video is here.

Lately, I’ve needed to just be held…life has certainly hit me out of nowhere. And I don’t know how not to hold on desperately to anything within my grasp. I am on my knees, and answers seem more than far away…they seem non-existent. What does it mean for God to be on the throne? What does it look like or feel like to be held, to have Him hold my heart? As I type this, I really don’t know.

I feel desperation, like the father of the boy who was demon possessed in Mark 9. And like that desperate father, I’m crying out to Jesus to help my unbelief. I am struggling with unbelief…not the kind that wonders if God loves me or if He is still on His throne, but the kind that wonders if this pain will ever stop…the kind that wonders if I will ever again see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living (Psalm 27:13). Because life doesn’t feel good right now, and “being held,” raising my hands, believing God is holding my heart…

none of those have made the pain go away.

When I was growing up, I thought Romans 8:28 meant that God would fix up my mix-ups and life would feel good. Then life collided with my beliefs and I discovered what a bad theologian and exegete I really was. God doesn’t promise to fix up my mix-ups and make life feel good. Jesus actually said that life would be hard, but we didn’t need to worry because He has everything under control (John 16:33).

So often, however, it feels like God is anything BUT in control. Life hurts. Bad things happen to good people. Good people do bad things. Bad people win. And the good guy finishes last.

How do we reconcile that with what we read in Scripture?

How do we come to terms with the fact that life doesn’t necessarily feel good?

Honestly, I don’t know. But I do know that Scripture has much to say about suffering.

Psalm 34:18 says that God is near to the brokenhearted.

Psalm 147:3 says He heals the brokenhearted.

Isaiah 61:1 (ESV) says:

“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted…”

This is Jesus. It is how He described Himself in Luke 4:18. The words are almost exactly the same.

What does it look like to let go? What does it feel like to really be held by Jesus…to truly trust Him to that degree? I don’t know…yet. But, I have a feeling that the God who came to earth to bind up the brokenhearted can show me.

I’m counting on it, actually.

The Idol of Abstinence

I wrote this four years ago, before Joshua Harris had apologized for his books I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl. What I wrote four years ago, however, seems especially appropriate now as the Evangelical world reels from Joshua Harris’ recent separation from his wife and departure from the Christian faith.  Much has been said about that, and I won’t to add to the cacophony. Instead, I want to dig under the surface and look at our measure of success as parents, and what we prioritize in the education and training of our adolescent children. Is their purity really what we need to focus on? Is protecting their purity our most important task?

Ultimately, Jesus called us to make disciples of all the world, teaching them everything He taught His disciples. And what did He teach His disciples? He taught them to love God first and to love others the way they wanted to be loved. Discipleship is our clarion call, not purity or the virginity of our daughters (and purity culture is much more focused on girls than boys…). Purity is important, don’t get me wrong. But focusing on certain behaviors misses the point. Proverbs 4:23 says to guard your heart, because it guides behavior. Which is better? Controlling behavior or guiding hearts? Let’s think again.

The news is spreading across the Internet…Bristol Palin is pregnant, again. And she is still not married.

In most any situation, this would be awkward. But for Bristol, the issue is even more complicated. She’s been an outspoken advocate of abstinence for the last six years. And she has been paid a significant sum of money to be that outspoken advocate…to the tune of hundreds of thousands of dollars. Well…I guess we can see how well that worked…

 

You know what I think? I think we’ve made virginity some kind of idol…as though it is the most important thing in the world to preserve and protect. Our children’s virginity is our measure of success as a parent (“well, at least they stayed pure…”) or our scarlet letter of shame.

But should that be the measure of success for us as parents?

Is our most important metric whether or not our children abstain from sexual activity until they say “I do”? Really?

What about rebellion?

We joke about it and make light of how teens rebel. In some ways we expect it.

But that is wrong.

The Bible is clear about a spirit of rebellion…it is like witchcraft (1 Samuel 15:23). And I’m pretty sure that is worse than having sex before you’re married?!

More than worry about rebellion, or purity, or behavior in general, what we need to worry about is guarding our children’s hearts. The New Living Translation says it best, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Proverbs 4:23.

Please, parents, don’t focus so much on your child’s “sexual purity” that you forget to guard your child’s heart. That is what drives their behavior.

Remember, sex is designed by God for our pleasure. Yes, it is designed to be shared between a husband and a wife. But, bodies do what they’re designed to do, whether they are married or not. Our children can very easily and quite by accident find themselves in compromising situations. They make mistakes. And so do we. 

That is the beauty of a relationship with a God who knows and understands our brokenness. He has already made provision for our sin  and He empowers us to walk in His strength.

Brokenness with repentance is a precious thing.

Rebellion, on the other hand, is ugly and has few remedies.

So I ask…what do you really want? A child who does all the right things but for all the wrong reasons? Or do you want a child who may or may not stay morally/sexually pure, but they recognize sin when they commit it, love Jesus, and are willing to repent when they make a mistake?

What is a better measure of success?

 

Guaranteed Outcomes?

I wish life had guaranteed outcomes. I really do.

Image courtesy of FrameAngel at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

I wish that it worked like a vending machine; you put a certain number of coins in, you make your selection, and tada…whatever you want comes out of the little slot.

 

 

 

Or you go to the coffee shop and give them money and they give you a cup of joy with foamy creaminess.

Photo courtesy of Marchauna Rodgers. All rights reserved.

Unfortunately, life does not have guaranteed outcomes. You can invest your entire life in something, only to have it collapse into a heap before your eyes. You can invest your life’s savings into a “guaranteed” investment opportunity, and watch your future disappear in moments. You can make “all the right choices” and still deal with negative consequences, through no fault of your own.

That can be especially true in parenting.

Parenting, it turns out, is much like a crap shoot. You can make your choices, but you really don’t know what the outcome will be for a very long time. And even if you do all the things that “experts” recommend, you can’t guarantee outcomes, especially as children get older. It isn’t like when they are young and you can control all the details of their environment. In the end, control shouldn’t be the goal anyway. Having worked with college students professionally and raising a few of my own, over-controlled home environments leave children weak and unprepared for the real world when they leave home, and be assured…they will leave.

But, it still seems like we should have some guarantees…some sort assured return on our investment, especially when we try so hard to be faithful. And when you don’t get the outcome you expected, prayed for, worked towards, and invested in, it is very disappointing. Such has been my reality lately. God and I have had many a serious conversation on this issue, usually involving tears, and a great deal of meditation on what the Bible says about parenting.

And what the Bible says about parents.

Which led me to Daniel.

In the opening verses of Daniel, we find out that Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah were all taken to Babylon after Judah fell.

What I find intriguing about Daniel and Co. is that in a generation so corrupt and disobedient that God sent them into captivity, these four young men were different…very different. They were so in love with the Law and the Law Giver that they resisted the peer pressure and indoctrination of the Babylonian Empire, remaining true to God and His ways through out their lives; Daniel for more than seventy years.

That didn’t happen by accident.

It happened because their parents did a fantastic job raising them

in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

We can tell by the outcome that these parents did a good job, in the midst of a perverse generation where so many others failed.

Judging by the results, these parents did everything right. And I am very confident watching their boys be carted away by the lawless, heathen Babylonians was not the outcome they’d expected. And they probably never knew what the real outcome was. If they were anything like me, they struggled with what God allowed to happen.

On further reflection, though, I’m struck with the reality that God loves our children more than we do. Indeed, Jeremiah 29:11 is just as true for them as it is for me…God knows the plans He has for my children, and His plans are for good, not harm…for them or for me.

Romans 8:28 & 29 talk about God’s plans as well. He promises to use everything in our lives to make us more like Jesus.

That is absolutely the outcome I desire for my children…what more could I want for them than to be more like Jesus.

I am beginning to learn, however, that it won’t look like I want it to; it won’t be the neat, tidy package all wrapped up with a bow like I planned. My children will experience heartache and disappointment. My children will make poor choices and suffer consequences…consequences I would try to protect them from. But, in my desire to protect them from pain, I might also prevent them from truly knowing God, from being able to find comfort in Him. After all, when do we get to know God the most intimately?

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Through pain.

We can’t get to know God as Healer until we need to be healed.

We can’t get to know God as our Strong Tower until we need some place to hide.

We can’t get to know God as Comforter until we need to be comforted.

It is in those moments, when we most need Him, that God helps us understand His love in a way ease and comfort never will.

Suffering can build intimacy and faith.

Suffering can develop trust and confidence.

This has been true in my life. And as painful as the process may be, it is what I pray will be true for my children…

intimacy with God…a deep abiding confidence in His character, regardless of circumstances.

As I walk a broken road with children whose hearts I can no longer protect, the One who has so faithfully carried me is proving that He can also carry them. It doesn’t get much better than that.

Generations

What a privilege it was to share at the Valley Assembly Mother Daughter Tea on Friday, May 8, 2015. Below is what I shared with the ladies gathered for a “generational” fiesta. Hopefully you are blessed and encouraged as you think about how generations impact your life.

Some of the “generations” at the                                       Valley Assembly Mother-Daughter Tea

It is easy to just brush over or ignore the value of generations. Yet, we are all part of a generation, and none of us want to be brushed over or ignored.

Some of us are “Gen Xers”, some of us are “Mosaics,” some of us are “Baby Boomers,” and a few of us may be of the “Greatest Generation,” those who lived through the Great Depression and World War II. My grandmother is one of those. A war bride, she found herself a widow with a young son in 1943; she’ll be 96 in November, a widow again after burying my grandfather in 2010. My mom’s parents were married in 1933, in the midst of the Great Depression. They lost a baby due to malnutrition and knew the value of a dollar. The impact of those experiences has left its mark on at least two generations.

A great crowd of mothers and daughters.

Some of us have been part of a church for “generations.” Our parents attended the same church when we were small that now we bring our children to on Sunday morning. Some haven’t been around that long; you might say they are “first generation” members. Some may be “first generation” Americans…our parents were born in different countries and emigrated here for one reason or another. Some of us may be able to trace our heritage back to a president, or even the Mayflower.

We talk about “generations” of cell phones. Iphone 6, iphone 6S, Samsung Galaxy S6, Nexus 6, Nokia Lumina 830, LG G Flex2, and not to be forgotten, the BlackBerry Classic. How many people scramble to get the newest generation of their flavor of smartphone? It is crazy, sometimes!!

We can also talk about “generations” spiritually.  And each of us can trace our spiritual heritage back to a rag tag bunch of social misfits who watched Jesus ascend into Heaven. They took seriously the final words of Jesus (Matt 28:19, 20) to make disciples. If not for the faithfulness of many (mostly unnamed) faithful disciples and disciples makers, we wouldn’t be here.

We see the influence of previous generations all around us. And those generations are important. We wouldn’t be the same without them.

God’s Word has a great deal to say about generations.

Generations are important to God, too. The word “generation” or “generations” is used over 200 times in the Bible. He was especially concerned about future generations as the Children of Israel entered the Promised Land. He was very specific about what parents were supposed to pass on to their children, so they would never forget what God did when He delivered them. They were supposed to keep some manna, and the stone tablets onto which God carved the Ten Commandments. They were supposed to keep the staff that Moses carried before Pharaoh, too. But something happened. And the message didn’t get communicated. And the Children of Israel forgot what God had done. They abandoned God’s ways and eventually God did what He said He’d do; that’s why Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego found themselves in Babylon.

When Jesus told the Disciples and the others who watched Him ascend into Heaven to “go and make disciples” He had a specific idea in mind. It wasn’t just praying a prayer. It wasn’t necessarily attending church as we know it, or reading the Bible every day. It was learning to live in step with God or the Holy Spirit like Jesus did when He was on earth, and like He encouraged His disciples to do.

So, what does it mean to be a disciple? And how is it different than being a “convert?” And how do you “live in step with God”? To phrase it another way, how do you walk in the power of the Holy Spirit?

First, what does it mean to be a disciple? A disciple is a pupil or learner. In Jesus’ day, a disciple was someone who would actually live with the teacher. Paul, before his conversion, had been a disciple of Gamaliel’s. John the Baptist had disciples, as did some of the Pharisees. It was more than something they did on Sundays…it was a lifestyle.

Today, being a disciple means learning what Jesus taught, and trying to live by those principles. But first you have to actually have a relationship with Jesus.

Being a disciple isn’t just about praying a prayer. Being a disciple is about following Jesus, living the way He lived.

What does that look like every day?
It looks like living by the Golden Rule, and really applying the principles of 1 Cor 13.
It looks like letting our communication be seasoned with grace, and
Speaking edifying words that minister grace.
It looks like not borrowing trouble, and bringing everything to God
Through prayer and supplication.
In many ways, it looks impossible.

That’s the value of having someone mentor and encourage you as you seek to follow Jesus. They can help you see what it looks like.

The thing about discipleship, and being a disciple, is that the life God calls us to live is truly impossible, in our own strength. The fruit of the Spirit, the ability to love like God does, the freedom to extend grace…that all comes from the Spirit at work in our lives, not because of anything we do on our own. As the Spirit of God is free to work, we’ll see the evidence in how we interact with others. The challenge is to stay in step with the Spirit.

Unlike the song says, though, you don’t stay in step with the Spirit, or grow spiritually, simply by reading your Bible and praying every day. It isn’t like a recipe, especially if you do those things just to do them. It is more like a dance.

Unfortunately, this isn’t a magic formula. You can’t guarantee outcomes. Life is still full of challenges, and we still wrestle with what Paul calls the “old man”. We make mistakes, and we deal with other people who make mistakes. The amazing part, however, is that God’s Spirit gives us the strength to live differently (1 Cor 3:1) and we can, by learning from generations who have gone before us, how to live like Jesus, how to “be” disciples.

 

God’s Treasure

This poem was written over twenty years ago, for a class in seminary. The professor encouraged me to publish it, but I didn’t know how. So, I’ve just held onto it, until now. But as Easter draws near this year, I am compelled to share, finally. Here, published for the first time, is my poem, God’s Treasure.

                                God’s Treasure

                          by Marchauna Rodgers

Pain pierces her heart with each blow of the hammer

The ring of metal on metal causes an involuntary cringe

Unwillingly, she remembers the treasures.

 

The first lusty cry, the tender early moments

In her mind’s eye she can see clearly His first

                Step, how He tottered, then fell, smile intact.

Oh, she loved Him dearly.

Painfully she remembers the treasures.

 

On angels’ wings the message came, a son

Would be born, the Christ-child, Messiah, King.

His weak cry for water snaps her back to reality.

Fleetingly she remembers the water turned to wine.

Wistfully she remembers the treasures.

 

No room in the inn, increasing pain, she knew

There wasn’t much time. The stable, the shepherds,

The infant King. Angels all around to herald

And sing His praises. Did they know, even then,

What she would face one day?

Unwillingly, she remembers the treasures.

 

“It is finished” He cries. John’s strong arms support

Her. Through her tears she sees the spear.

As pain courses through her body,

She remembers the treasures.

 

Day turns to night. Reality is lost. The

Promised Messiah, her precious son, is dead.

The dreams of a lifetime, the Kingdom to come

All forfeit to the overwhelming cost of grief.

In her sorrow, she clings to the treasures.

 

Days pass, can it be true? This day begins early

So much to do. What? The grave is empty?

His Body is gone?! Something is TERRIBLY wrong!

Who is that man, so familiar…she thinks of

Her son. Then, with unbelief and an

Unspeakable joy, Mary eternally embraces God’s Treasure

© Marchauna Rodgers, all rights reserved, April 1, 2015

Connecting to the Heart of God

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16 KJV

A simple truth, but so profound. God loves the world.

It is our privilege to help connect people in Spokane to the heart of God. And sometimes it is scary. Sometimes God asks us to do big things, that are clearly beyond our own human capacity. And sometimes, if feels like it is all about me, my ability, my personality, my creativity, my popularity (or lack thereof), my performance. Since I’m a broken, imperfect person, I fail. Often. Depending on my ability results in epic failure. Repeatedly.

Recently, God challenged me to step out in faith and take on a new responsibility. It is scary. I don’t want to do it. I could fail.

In the process of seeking the Lord’s direction (because I’m much more concerned with my performance than with obedience), I called a dear friend who is also a spiritual mentor. Instead of telling me how crazy I was for even considering adding something else, she began asking probing questions. Difficult questions. Questions I neither wanted to consider nor answer.

But consider I did. And God revealed that I have some deep rooted fear; fear of failure. He also revealed something else. It’s not. about. me. Nothing in this life (or the next) is about me!

And, my obedience is more important than my performance. Regardless of how well I perform, my success is determined by my obedience.

Sometimes, God gives really strange instructions! He told Jeremiah to take his belt off and bury it. Then later, God instructed Jeremiah to go back and dig up that same belt, then to wear it to preach a message to the Children of Israel. He told Hosea to marry a prostitute! And, Hosea experienced great heartache as a result. Those are extreme examples, yes, but examples, all the same.

Honestly, if you think about it, instructing a man to marry a woman who was already pregnant, with Someone Else’s child, or using shepherds as messengers, or having old women carry babies, or sending His Son as a common man instead of a king – those are all pretty crazy, even outlandish things to do. But God has done them.

And God continues to do outlandish things. Things like adopting Gentiles, and opening His Kingdom to “publicans and sinners”. He so totally blew the Pharisees away (to the point that they wanted to kill Him) because He didn’t fit inside their carefully constructed facade. In their eyes; indeed, in the world’s eyes, Jesus wasn’t much of a success story. Even today, he wouldn’t have been a success, not by our usual metrics of numbers and impact. Jesus left a ragtag bunch of social misfits, and only a handful at that. He didn’t launch any new movements, He didn’t leave any beautiful buildings, He didn’t transform His culture overnight. He didn’t even chase the Romans out of Israel?! But He was completely successful…He was totally obedient and accomplished everything His Father gave Him to accomplish. As a result, He completely changed the world.

And because that ragtag bunch of social misfits took the Great Commission seriously, they went and made disciples, who made disciples, who made disciples, to the point that, after about three hundred years, the Roman Empire looked nothing like it had in Jesus’ day. And eventually, disciples of disciples went to the ends of the earth, and people in the Pacific Northwest (which is about as far from Israel as you can get) are followers of Jesus as a result.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His Only Begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16 KJV

 Such a simple verse, but what a profound, life-changing, world-transforming concept…we can connect with the heart of God!

Thorns and crowns

We were blessed with tickets to WinterJam recently; what a crazy, amazing evening we had. Because you buy tickets at the door, people started lining up hours before the concert started. We were there pretty early (about four hours), making memories that will last a lifetime. And while I’m not a big concert fan (it is too loud, not because I’m too old but because I want to be able to hear when I am old, lol), it was a delightful evening.

The experience was eye-opening in a way I didn’t expect, as well. WinterJam features ten different bands, from a variety of genres. Most are what I’m familiar with, artists I’ve heard of. A few, however, were completely unfamiliar to me…completely. The heavy metal, head-banging music didn’t attract me at all…I actually went to walk around the mezzanine during that one…

But one genre, equally unfamiliar, caught my attention. Trip Lee, a black rap/hip hop artist, shared a couple of “ballad raps” that were incredibly powerful. One in particular really spoke to my heart. The title is “Sweet Victory“. The words that caught my attention, though, were the beginning phrases and the chorus…”I feel thorns where my crown was…”.

God seems to be taking me back to revisit the whole idea of keeping my crown on. For some reason (innocence?) I thought with such a powerful lesson, it would be “one and done”. I wouldn’t have to take another trip around Mt. Sinai with this one. But I do, and I am. The onion is smaller now…another whole layer peeled back (can there really be anything left?). But the concept is the same; my value is not based on my performance.

I’m struggling because as often as I repeat that statement, it still feels like my value is determined by my performance. And I hoped, beyond hope, that somehow I could guarantee an outcome by my performance?! That was wrong…totally wrong.

Outcomes are not determined by performance. David struggled with that in the Psalms. Our Black and Hispanic brothers and sisters struggle with it on a different level today. To some degree almost anyone can identify. Performance…behavior…you can do your very best, and somebody is always going to be better, or at least appear that way on the outside. It is easy to focus on the circumstances and to accept the dunce cap (because that is so often what the world tries to squash down on our heads) instead of choosing to sit at Jesus’ feet, embracing the value we have from Him.

I am still struggling, honestly. Assumptions I made about cause and effect, and illusions I entertained about controlling outcomes, and the pain of coming to grips with the way life is compared to the way I thought life would be…I definitely feel those thorns…and they are sharp, and they hurt, and I don’t like them!! They don’t feel “good” in any sense of the word.

What is good, however, are the gentle words of Jesus…”I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 NLT. Those words, taken to heart regardless of the circumstances change my perspective, and I can once again walk in confidence, a daughter of the King. Life is hard. Life hurts. But God is still good and He can still be trusted…even if I feel thorns where my crown was…

 

Go Tell John…

Luke Chapter Seven records what is probably the lowest point in the life of John the Baptist. He has been faithful to his call to “proclaim the way of the Lord.” He has been the voice in the wilderness. He has stepped into and filled the shoes of the prophet Isaiah. And now, he is sitting in prison, awaiting execution. And he is struggling; he sends two of his disciples to ask Jesus if He is the Messiah, or if they should look for someone else.

Perhaps this is my feminine perspective, and perhaps I’m projecting some of my own struggles onto this champion of the faith of whom Jesus spoke so highly. But, I have to wonder if, as John is sitting in that prison cell, seeing Jesus (whom he knows to be the Messiah) not restoring Israel to it’s former glory; is he questioning his entire existence. After all, his purpose in life was to proclaim that Jesus was the Messiah.

John is not the Messiah. He’s not perfect. He makes mistakes, and as a prophet – a truth speaker – he has probably spoken truth without enough love to balance the message. People don’t really like truth-speakers; they are brusk, intense, rough around the edges, rude. John struggles (like the rest of us) with distractions, jealousy, insecurity, disappointment. It appears, from his question, that John is disappointed in Jesus. Perhaps I’m reading into his comments again, but it seems even a hint of desperation lace his words…everything he’s lived for, everything he’s worked for, everything he’s sacrificed; all he’s invested his life in…was it worth it… or was it a waste?

That is what I really think John is asking.

Whether I’m reading into his comments and projecting my own emotional issues onto this man or not, it is clear John is struggling, greatly. I believe he sends his disciples to query Jesus in a moment of desperation, even despair. Have you ever been there? I have been. If you read my post, “Lessons at the Foot of a Giant” you know I was there just recently. It was a truly miserable place to be.

Perhaps this is what encouraged me so much. First, John is human!! He struggles too. This man of whom Jesus spoke so highly, this greatest of all prophets, this fulfillment of Old Testament prophecy…he got discouraged. He wondered if he was completely wrong. He had proclaimed Jesus the Messiah, after all. Yet, for all his passion and understanding of who Jesus was, John didn’t understand God’s promised Messiah. He had bad theology and it left him hopeless, in despair. John was probably looking for Jesus to come restore Israel to its former glory; that was, after all, the common misconception of what Old Testament prophesies pointed to. When the man he believed to be the Messiah didn’t fill his expectations of what the Messiah would do, John lost sight of what was important. He looked at his circumstances, and he (appeared) to lose hope. Did he feel like a failure? I don’t know, but it is easy to surmise that he did. And in feeling like a failure, his focus was in the wrong place.

Second, Jesus reminds John what is really important…and it isn’t John!

When Jesus responded to the disciples of John, He pointed out that He was doing what the Messiah should be doing. He was raising people from the dead, cleansing leapers, restoring sight to the blind and hearing to the deaf, making lame men walk, preaching the Gospel to the poor. Important and valuable, but not so commonly associated with the picture of the Messiah. Most Jews, chaffing under the thumb of Roman control, were looking for more. John was looking for more…he was looking for “significant” impact. John was looking for Jesus to meet his expectations. But Jesus didn’t come to meet John’s expectations, or anyone else’s for that matter.

Jesus came to meet God’s expectations, and when those things were done, Jesus came to die…on the cross…for the sins of mankind.

Not the fancy, triumphant behavior of a reigning king. Not the picture John had when he baptized Jesus, or when he challenged the Pharisees, or when he exposed the wicked behavior of the local ruler. Jesus didn’t meet John’s expectations. And John was disappointed.

Have you ever been disappointed in Jesus? Have you ever expected life to be different? Have you ever wondered if perhaps the reason you were on earth was futile and wasted? I have. And, I think John did too.

When Jesus responded to John’s cry, He understood, in ways we can not, exactly what John needed. He was, after all, God. And responding with all the wisdom of the Creator, He spoke words we would also need to hear. “Go,” He said to John’s disciples, “tell John what you have seen and heard—the blind see, the lame walk, the lepers are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised to life, and the Good News is being preached to the poor.” Luke 7:22 NLT

He didn’t say it in so many words, but Jesus assured John that He was indeed the Messiah and no, they didn’t need to look for another. John’s life was not wasted; he had done what God intended for him to do, and he could rest in peace.

Scripture doesn’t tell us how John responded to Jesus’ answer. Did he go to the grave confident in how he’d invested his life? I don’t know. But when I think about success and what I’m investing my life in, I am encouraged. Success isn’t defined by the world’s standards, it is defined by Jesus. And in the end, I want that to be enough.

Jesus was answering in a way He often does; not the way we expect.

Warming Our Streets

Today, we partnered with The Adullam Project to deliver sandwiches and blankets to the homeless. It was an amazing day.

First, we helped make the sandwiches.

Then we loaded up backpacks with hand warmers, socks and hats, and blankets and headed out. Here are the four teams who went out.

Pictures can not capture what God did. But, it was truly amazing. And very humbling. At one point, a team went to a local soup kitchen only to discover they’d run out of food and still had people to feed. Several sandwiches were handed out, as well as socks, gloves, and hats. The team prayed for a guy who’d been beaten with a metal pipe. Another team was able to give a guy a ride to the Teen Challenge shelter, where he could get in from the cold, at least for a little while. One group spoke to someone for over an hour, helping him connect with his children, and even singing with them on the phone.

It only took a few hours, but lives were changed today…and probably not the ones you think. No one who participated will ever be the same.