Let me start this by saying that I love my children. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am a passionate parent and bend over backwards to nurture and tend the hearts of my kids.
That being said, parenting gets exhausting. It truly does. And to be quite honest, I don’t always want to take care of my children, especially my youngest son. For anyone who has read my other blog, http://www.mamamarchauna.blogspot.com, the journey through the desert that started with my son’s birth has been incredibly difficult. And I am very tired.
Let me explain; my son arrived at the end of a very difficult labor, that came at the end of a very difficult pregnancy. I was so exhausted when he was born, I collapsed on the bed, physically unable to hold my son for almost thirty minutes after his arrival. Little did I know, as I gazed into the precious face of this (not so) little blessing (he weighed over ten pounds and was almost two feet long), what the next two years would hold.
My son has lots of health challenges. Diagnosed very early with Cerebral Palsy, anxiety, Sensory Processing Disorder, reflux, swallowing difficulties, and developmental delays, his life has been neither easy nor comfortable. He really struggles with sleeping. Basically, he can’t sleep on his own. The therapist understands why, but I can’t explain it well.
This morning, after a week of dealing with his additional needs following the removal of his tonsils, I really didn’t want to take care of him. I really didn’t want to. I just wanted to sleep. Honestly, I waited as long as I could to respond to his requests for help; I rolled over and tried to pretend like he wasn’t pulling on me. And in those few moments, as I cried out to God for help, confessing my lack of desire to care for my son, I was reminded of the character of my God, and how He will never leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5).
Actually, God says, in Isaiah 49, that even though a nursing mother could forget the child at her breast , He will never forget us. Indeed, He has engraved His children on the palms of His hands. Isaiah 49:15, 16. In Psalm 121, the psalmist writes that “He who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.” Psalm 121:3, 4 NIV.
Psalm 86:15 says that God is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
Psalm 91 says that “he who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him will I trust.” Ps 91:1, 2 NKJV.
Jeremiah 29:11-13 is another example of God’s love and care, as is Psalm 23. The passages describing God’s faithfulness are woven through out Scripture. It paints an amazing picture of dedication. One that goes far beyond what I am capable of.
And that is very comforting. God never tires of caring for us, regardless of what messes we get ourselves into. He has infinite patience, and grace, as well as infinite wisdom. He always responds to us exactly the way we need to be responded to, always. I am not like that. In spite of my best efforts, I get impatient with my children. I lose my temper. I even yell at them, though I’m ashamed to admit it. I am selfish. Sometimes I just want to have a minute to myself, to do what I want to do because I want to do it, and not because I need to do or because it is good for my children or anything. I am not like God. I grow weary.
Isaiah 40:28 says, “Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable.” NAS
What a blessing to know that the God of the universe isn’t like me. He never gets weary. He never gets tired. He doesn’t even need sleep. Wow. Knowing He is always there to catch me when I fall gives me the grace I need to keep going.
Can you relate? Do you get weary? Do you get tired? Have you seen God meet you in your desperation and give you the strength to go on? If so, I’d love to hear your story! And if not, please let me know so I can pray for you.